if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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