I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
