I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
