We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
