I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
