He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
