you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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