what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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