Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
