if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
