Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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