in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
