I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
