i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
