Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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