hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
