an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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