I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
