Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
