like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
