I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
