we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
