You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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