What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize