we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize