He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
