if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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