So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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