Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
