I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
