so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
