how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
