It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
