Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
