... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
