He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
