There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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