Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
