Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
