I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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