he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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