I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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