i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
