Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
