I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
