so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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