my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
