I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
