Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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