One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
