I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
