she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just invented taco cereal.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
