How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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