I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
