he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize