No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this just has baby written all over it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
