if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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