Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize