He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
