Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
