I love black thongs
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
