Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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