my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
