I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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