Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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