I love black thongs
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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