Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
this hospital has no fireball
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
