I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
