What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i love accidental penises.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
