Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
