wanna go halves on a baby?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
