Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize