My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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