i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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