She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
