Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
