thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Found the puke drawer
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
