yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I died a long time ago.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Randomize
