I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
