Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
