the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
