so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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