omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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