Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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