dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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