2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
