Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
