but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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