Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize