Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
