i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
