That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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