i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
