Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
