sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
