You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
