You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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