never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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