Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
