i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
In America we eat man semen.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
