We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
