I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the condom got lost in my hair
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
