Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
