i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
